If you haven’t figured it out yet, this has been a tough year for me. The entire past year, yes, but also just 2018 alone so far. My grandmother passed away in January, and we’re doing a memorial service for her at the end of this month (waited for the weather to warm up). We found out I’ve been suffering from a concussion, and I’m still dealing with those symptoms. My dad’s birthday just passed, and that carries with it some heavy emotions ever since his death—from suicide. And now, amid everything, my writing life changes like the drop of an atomic bomb. My world turned upside down.

(Anyone get the Hamilton reference? This post needs a brief moment of levity.)

We all have difficult things happen in life, and situations change to deal with those situations. At the beginning of my “full-time writing” stint 2 1/2 years ago, I began working with a writing coach, who was integral to both my personal and writing success during that time. My book would not be where and what it is without him, a completed first draft and moving into the revision stages. I’ve mentioned him many times on this blog in the past, thanking him for his contributions to my work and my life.

He, too, has met with life challenges as of late and had to change his business terms. I’m sad to say that these changes meant that we had to part ways professionally, and this was a hit I didn’t see coming.

It’s for the best, though, in the long run: he can take care of his personal and professional life as he needs to, and I can seek out resources to better serve me as I enter this new revision stage.

I think the thing that made this such a hard blow was the very reason a break needed to happen at some point: I had gotten too reliant on one person outside of myself to bring my writing to fruition. I need to rely on ME, first and foremost. I shouldn’t feel like I can’t do this without a certain person’s help, because this is MY book, not his, not anyone else’s. External help is, of course, imperative to bring a book to life, but my entire writing life shouldn’t hinge on one person. That’s unhealthy, and I needed to break away from that reliance and find my way on my own two feet. I needed to feel strong and capable on my own.

Sometimes we are pushed into the change we are not ready to make for ourselves.

So, from here on out, I’m seeking out new resources and new communities. At this time, though, I won’t be enlisting the help of a new one-on-one coach. Perhaps someday, but for now I’m more interested in listening to the heart of my novel and doing revisions on my own for a bit. This story hasn’t been “just mine” in a long time, and I think I need to reconnect with it on that level again. Especially now that I’m entering a new stage I’ve never done before—story-level revisions—I feel like I need to hear just my own thoughts for awhile. There are also plenty of resources out there that aren’t direct coaching, and I’m eager to explore them to learn new aspects of writing craft.

I will miss the time that he and I had together, of course, but life changes and shifts. There is no turning back. I love the people and community he brought together, and those wonderful souls are still in my life, supporting me as I support them. I love my book and what it became under his tutelage and care.

This is just the next chapter in the novel of my life, and I’m eager to see what twists and turns the future may hold. I was thrown out of the next, and now, I FLY.