I’ve had a difficult year, experiencing a concussion, surgery, losing a writing mentor and community, and mental health issues (exacerbated by the concussion). All of which I’ve mentioned before.

All year, I’ve wondered, “What happened to the me I used to be? Where did I go?” Despite my husband and I fulfilling a longtime dream of buying a house, this past year has been largely a downer for me. And it’s time to wake up.

Granted, all of my issues were legitimate, but I’m ready to move on from them. I’m ready to get back on my medical-journey path (which takes more mental fortitude and effort than any healthy person would realize); I’m ready to indulge in new writing resources and communities and embrace this new stage in my writing life; I’m ready to LIVE. During the daytime, preferably, because I was seriously nocturnal over the summer (side effect of medication I reacted poorly to). Above all, I’m ready to put myself out there again and stop closing myself off from the world.

I’m ready to RE-ENTER this great, glorious life.

I’m ready to RE-EMERGE as my beautiful and brilliant self.

And that word has become my new power word: re-emergence.  I had a conversation with my stepbrother the other day where that word slipped out of my mouth about my current state, and something clicked into place. It felt real. It felt right. This was the mantra I didn’t even know I was searching for, and it was right on my tongue for the taking and ingesting. I’m embracing this word. I even bought one of those “My Word” bracelets you see advertised on Facebook, a bracelet with a metal disc that has your “power word” (or whatever you want to call it) custom-stamped on it for you to remind yourself of your promise to yourself whenever you look at your wrist.

I’m loving life right now, loving being me, and that is a feeling I haven’t known in so long. The other day, I described my emotional state as “feeling like a helium balloon.” I felt so light, it was like I was floating. I hope to never come down! Suddenly, I know what sleep during the night feels like, what motivation and being productive feels like. I know what finding joy in my life’s chosen work feels like, which is the most exhilarating thing of all.

I’m ready now to continue on my journey. I’ve battled the demons and stayed the dragons (only the mean ones, of course!). I still have princes to rescue, because the journey isn’t quite over, but I feel much better equipped to tackle it than I have in a long, long time. I’m ready to find the joy in life, in love, in work. I’m ready to be true to myself and live my Truth. Able all, I’m ready to find me again and share my very best self with the world.

Hello, world. Nice to be seeing you again. Nice to be seeing ME again. Let’s rock this life, together.

RE-EMERGENCE

PSA: A lot of this new productivity and new outlook has to do with getting the right balance of psychiatric medications to manage my mental concussion symptoms. I’m no longer nocturnal. I’m no longer lethargic and unmotivated. If you’re going through this mental health journey, there IS a light at the end of the dark, hazy tunnel. Hang in there. And if you need support, please reach out, to a friend, to a family member, to a doctor—even to me. I’m here to listen if you need someone to talk to.